Saturday, June 1, 2013

Slow and Tedious - My review of Fast & Furious 6

Fast and Furious 6  -  2013  -  Directed by Justin Lin

I can tell within 10-15 minutes whether I will like a movie. Fast 6 has the distinction of helping me come to my conclusion even sooner. During the opening credits we are shown flashbacks to the first 5 films. You read it right, flashbacks of car chases and explosions. Subtlety is not king in this franchise.

What is the plot you say? If you were to ask the filmmakers I am sure they would borrow from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre and say we don't need no stinkin' plot. Just need fast cars, hot women and millions of mindless drones. Judging by the worldwide box office grosses they were right.

The gang comes back together to foil a plot by Owen Shaw (Luke Evans) who plans on... hell I have no idea what he is planning. Its just the excuse to blow things up. Speaking of the gang, they should all have their SAG cards revoked (Evans can keep his.) No one appears to be having any fun here. All those horror movie spoofs that come out all the time, I would love to see one about this franchise. (Where are The Wayans Bros when you need them?, they would have a field day with this. Maybe they haven't figured out a way to parody a parody.)

Thankfully, there are a few moments of humor, albeit unintentionally. The Rock jumps down about 50 feet from a speeding car on a overpass to a speeding car on a underpass and he does more damage to the car than it to him. (I probably shouldn't bring up physics but once you jump off the car you cease to keep going its speed. He would land on the concrete. Take notes Wayans Bros.) Multiple people get beat to within an inch of brain damage only to shrug it off as if they got bit by a mosquito. Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez crash at an alarming rate of speed from separate cars only to meet in midair and land safely on a car windshield, happily ever after. In all seriousness, this film is an insult to dumb people.

At one point in the film the gang is huddled around as Vin tells The Rock, we are all here. Give us a reason to stay. I wish the filmmakers had given that same thought to the audience.

You might be wondering what made me give this movie a 1 rating? I blame that on Luke Evans. If he had just mailed it in like everyone else this film would of gotten the rating it truly deserved.

Rating: 1 out of 10

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